香港的一个独特现象是“家务助理”(Domestic Helper)无所不在。“家务助理”是官方用语,人们通常把她们简称为“Helper”,中文很多人叫“工人”,我们更愿意称其为“帮手”(爸妈角度)或“阿姨”(孩子角度)。
自去年九月底菲律宾籍家务助理Maribell搬来我们家,乐兮爸妈的生活质量大大提高。除了不用在家务事上操心,最大的收获是重新拾回两人的“自由”(当然是有限度的)。原来自从有了乐兮后的三年多里,两人好像只一起出去看过一两场电影,好几次有想看的电影还得分开来另约朋友轮流去看;而自从家里有了常驻帮手,两人出去小小“罗曼蒂克”一回(如果看电影也算的话)的次数大增。由此真是要感激香港的家务助理系统和我们幸运找到的Maribell!

这是上周六妈妈带着乐兮和Maribell随朋友在维多利亚港里乘自助餐游船时,为她们在甲板上拍的合影。
随着Maribell的到来,乐兮的小朋友圈子也在不知不觉中打开。家务助理在香港极其普遍,很多小朋友都是由她们一手带大的,而象乐兮妈原来那样自己“单干”的非常少见;而香港这个地方,因社会一些约定俗成的观念,“家务助理”和“师奶”(粤语对已婚女性的称呼)的圈子难以交融,所以虽然乐兮有不少相熟的邻居小朋友,以前真正能够 “玩耍约会”的却很少。自从Maribell担当起每天接送乐兮上下校车的任务,她跟乐兮同车同班小朋友家的阿姨们很快成为朋友,于是,去东家西家玩耍蹭饭和邀请伙伴来家回访逐渐成为乐兮生活的一部分。

这两张是昨天和前天在我们家拍的。上图比乐兮小个大半岁的James和她一个班,住我们楼上,最近跟乐兮在一起玩得很多(很大原因应该是两个阿姨比较合得来吧),他们一起玩时妈妈在一边观察,发现尽管男孩女孩兴趣有别,两个人玩得却很和谐,鲜有冲突,也许跟年龄尚小的James大多时间听从“姐姐”乐兮有关?下图是乐兮班上的好朋友Yuna,以前在博客里出现过几次的——当然,由于爸妈都要工作,她平时也是由她的印尼阿姨“全权负责”。
说到“outsourcing(外包)”带孩子的任务,最近一篇有趣的文章值得一提。这篇短文登在2月6日的纽约时报上,题为“Till Children Do Us Part”(从传统结婚誓词“Till Death Do Us Part”幽默演变而来)。作者Stephanie Coontz是个专门研究家庭演变历史的教授。文章主要在讨论有些婚姻因为孩子的出现而发生问题的现象。引起乐兮妈注意、也想跟各位家长分享的主要是这几段(当然文中所指的情况是针对美国社会而言):
Parents today spend much more time with their children than they did 40 years ago. The sociologists Suzanne Bianchi, John Robinson and Melissa Milkie report that married mothers in 2000 spent 20 percent more time with their children than in 1965. Married fathers spent more than twice as much time.
A study by John Sandberg and Sandra Hofferth at the University of Michigan showed that by 1997 children in two-parent families were getting six more hours a week with Mom and four more hours with Dad than in 1981. And these increases occurred even as more mothers entered the labor force.
Couples found some of these extra hours by cutting back on time spent in activities where children were not present — when they were alone as a couple, visiting with friends and kin, or involved in clubs. But in the long run, shortchanging such adult-oriented activities for the sake of the children is not good for a marriage. Indeed, the researcher Ellen Galinsky has found that most children don’t want to spend as much time with their parents as parents assume; they just want their parents to be more relaxed when they are together.
这篇文章多少跟明天的情人节有些关系——在此趁机祝各位(家长)朋友节日愉快、爱情常驻!